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We all view our money differently. If you want to see this, just look to most married couples. One is a saver, the other is a spender. One spends on big items, the other spends on little items. They both can feel the stress of different spending habits.
And eventually, they will have to talk about them.
The majority of marriage problems in the U.S. are financially grounded. We become so emotionally involved with our money. There are feelings of blame, regret, shame and anger that come with every dollar spent.
If you aren't married yet, you need to have this talk with your future spouse before you say those vows. You need to know how each other handles money. You should never marry anyone without knowing what types of debts and financial obligations they bring into the relationship. You have to talk about it. See if you can work out a budget for your life together. Set goals. Plan ahead.
The key is to keep your calm. Don't blame each other. Don't think that your way is automatically the right way. Find a middle-ground where it will work.
For example, when my husband and I were first married we simply couldn't sit and do financial things together. I handled most of it, yet he wanted to be involved. It took us years to figure out that if I handle the finances in a way that he can easily and quickly look over them (I write everything down), we both feel that it is getting taken care of. Once a month, or more often, we get together and go through things in a planning session.
Some couples do well if they keep separate accounts. This doesn't work for everyone. There is more to keep track of. But for some, it allows the independence that they need.
When you are married there are some things that you should remember. You should never lie to your spouse about money. Not about how much you spend or how much you have. This will always cause you trouble in the long run.
You should both be working towards goals that matter to you. It doesn't work if he doesn't really share the goals with you. Help create goals that appeal to you both.
And above all, be patient. Take a deep breath in and out before you say anything. Don't fight about money. Discuss it openly and honestly. And don't worry, occasionally someone spends more than the other. Sometimes you will both spend too much at the same time. Things happen. Just keep the communication lines open. Good luck.
Martin Lukac represents www.RateEmpire.com and www.1AmericanFinancial.com, a finance web-company specializing in real estate and mortgage rates. We specialize in daily updates, mortgage news, rate predictions, mortgage rates and more. Find low home loan mortgage interest rates from hundreds of mortgage companies! |
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